It has been a while since I've put up anything new. Lately I have been feeling uninspired and boring. Not bored. Boring. Like my existence is a lie, an inconvenience, a cruel joke. Even my art has felt as though it is lacking the essential soul behind it. Emptied out. I struggle to create or write or even function on a basic level when I get like this.
Artwork has remained a consistent coping skill despite lacking spirit. The only times I feel truly inspired are during Process Painting or extreme emotional situations. So I am going to share my Process Painting from last week with you.
I will be honest and say I don't remember what we were discussing last week. But I do know that I felt dreamy and child-like. I started by painting the canvas plain white, then gradually added some light blues, pinks, purples, even grey. It was a pastel type of mood. As my music played in the background, I started swaying as I stared at this mass of pastel colors in front of me, contemplating where I was going next with this canvas in front of me. As I swayed and stared, the pastels reminded me of being a young child. I have always associated pastels with innocence and light, young girls playing in dresses and hats, the freedom of running around barefoot in a patch of grass after taking off my church shoes and stockings. I started to paint a form of a child dancing in pure unadulterated joy and innocence.
This painting makes me happy. It reflects a time in my life when things were more right than wrong. A time when I had a bright spirit. Before trauma. Before so many things I wish had never happened. Before my light became dulled. This painting is my inner child dancing barefoot in the grass, a free and colorful soul, tossing flower petals in the sky to rain down on my radiance.
Here's to better days and beautiful memories, friends. May we all have these moments to reflect on as we grow older.
Healing and Brightness,
Jenny
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